Universal Oddities
August 29, 2002

Iraqi Embassy Blues -Part Two

A continuation of:
Iraqi Embassy Blues - Part One


I moved over to a window and looked out. Dozens of German police officers had surrounded the building. “Hey guys, I think we might have a slight problem here. It seems, from what I’m gathering, there’s strong evidence to support the fact that we’ve accidentally taken over the Iraqi embassy in Berlin.”

My comrades paused for a moment before bursting out in good natured laughter.


“You always say the weirdest things,” my comrade chuckled as he slapped me on the back.

“No, really,” I insisted. “I think this might just be the Iraqi embassy in Berlin.”

“Berlin! What would we be doing in Berlin? How could we possibly be in Berlin? Do you remember flying to Berlin?”

“Well, I do kind of remember we were on a plane. And then when we got off the plane, all the signs were in German.”

“That wasn’t a plane.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No, no... it was just a very big car.”

“Then why is this building being surrounded by German police?”

“They always do that on New Years. It’s tradition.”

I turned to look out the window again and observed a group of German police taking up sniper positions. “Okay,” I said. “Now, I don’t want to spoil this whole affair and keep regurgitating things, but I just want to get this out of the way once and for all so that I don’t have to concern myself with it anymore. Are you all absolutely certain that we haven’t taken over the Iraqi embassy in Berlin... and I want you to make sure you’re positive about this.”

My comrades paused for a moment and looked at each other, coughing and shrugging.

“Well,” one of them finally admitted, “there is a slight chance that we might possibly have taken over the Iraqi embassy in Berlin.”

I smacked a hand to my head.

“But I emphasize this possibility as ‘slight’,” he reiterated.

“Well I suppose this isn’t the special ‘New Years’ building you’ve all been telling me so much about then.”

“Well,” another of my comrades spoke up, “we could just be in the mock Iraqi embassy in Berlin.”

“Mock embassy?”

“You know, like Saddam Hussein has decoys for himself. I’ve heard that they set up a whole bunch of Iraqi embassies throughout Berlin, and they all look fairly similar. To confuse people. So they won’t know which embassy is actually the real one.”

Everyone seemed in agreement over the mock embassy theory.

“What about the German police?” I asked.

“Um... perhaps they’re mock police.”

“They’ve got guns.” I poked my head through a curtain for a moment. “And body armor.”

“Perhaps they’re conducting a mock drill.”

I moved toward the back of the room to contemplate the situation a bit further. I supposed, logically speaking, given the realm of potential situations to calculate from, it was entirely possible that we were in a mock Iraqi embassy.

As I sat down on a chair, I noticed a group of people huddled on the floor in a corner, apparently distraught by something.

“Are these hostages!!!”

“Um... hmm... um... no.”

“These are hostages! You’ve taken hostages!”

“Well, I wouldn’t quite call them hostages.”

“Can they leave?”


“Is this the Iraqi embassy in Berlin?”


“Have we taken control of the Iraqi embassy in Berlin?”

“I suppose the short answer to that would be ‘yes’.”

“What would the long answer be?”

“It would be a very intricate lie.”

“Then I would say that those people are hostages!”

To be continued...




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